Schism
He puked on the serving tray
The stuffing's come right out of Daddy dear
Now everybody's Christmas vacation
Will be filled with a viral infection
Maybe we'll all be better by next year
We felt more than a breeze
When Daddy had to sneeze
It didn't sound a lot like Ah-Choo
Mom was saying grace
When Daddy barked on her face
So Mom asked God to bless the vomit too
Dad threw up on Christmas Day
He got some chunks on Uncle Ray
Who kept on talking about his pancreas
We'll all remember Christmas Eve
As the last time
(I Am In Love With The) McDonald's Girl
by Dean Friedman
I am in love with the McDonald's Girl
She has the smile of innocence oh so tender and warm.
I am in love with the McDonald's Girl
She is an angel in a polyester uniform
I leave from softball practice every night
It's getting dark but the golden arches light up the way.
I turn the corner at the traffic light.
I count my money and then I rehearse what I'm gonna say,
"I'd like an order of fries, a quarter pounder with cheese,
I love the light in your eyes. Will you go out with me please?"
I am in love with the McDonald's Girl…
She doesn't try to impress anyone
She's doesn't act real tough like all the other girls that I know.
She don't treat me like a simpleton.
She's not afraid to be the only other virgin I know.
And when my hamburgers cold, I get up ready to go,
She's only 15 years old, and I'm in love with her so…
I am in love with the McDonald's Girl…
There she stands behind the register
Taking orders from the Saddle River Little League
If they knew how much I wanted her
Their homeroom teacher would have to send them home for a week.
And as I head for the door, the movement catches her eye,
My heart begins to soar, she smiles and waves goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.
I am in love with the McDonald's Girl
She has the smile of innocence oh so tender and warm.
I am in love with the McDonald's Girl
She is an angel in a polyester uniform
She is an angel in a polyester uniform.